It’s July. Guess I Should Say Something.

Greetings, dear readers, and welcome back – seven months later – to A Day With J.

Before I go any further, I should probably mention something about that. The title of this blog might soon be changing from “A Day with J” to “A Day with Lord J.” That’s because my dear twin Crystalynn really stepped up and redeemed my otherwise unremarkable birthday this year. Just when I thought it had gone largely unnoticed, she gifted me with a small (1×5 feet) plot of land in Scotland, thus officially making me Lord Jason Michael Wiltz. It’s not narcissism; it’s just a fact.  

If you peasants thought I was hard to put up with before, just wait.

Having said that, Lord J – like a lot of teachers – has been out of public circulation since the school year ended back in May (the last day of school actually fell on my birthday this year – how nice was that?). Since then, I’ve been spending most of my time taking naps, trying my best to decompress, and giving serious thought to joining a monastery. That last part might sound like a joke, but it’s not. A year spent among third graders is enough to make anyone contemplate the Carthusian life.

Now that I’m starting to come around, I’ve begun putting time and effort into a novella and a couple of short stories I’ve had lying around for far too long. I finished a major chapter yesterday, so today I thought I’d take a break and update ye olde blog. I can’t promise anything Earth-shattering, but at least I won’t go to bed thinking I didn’t write anything today. Let’s dive in, shall we?

Speaking of Diving…

I’ll start things off with a few thoughts about the Titan submersible tragedy that occurred back in June. I have to admit, I would have lost money on this one. With all the talk about how badly things are going these days – slumping economy, culture wars, government corruption, wars and rumors of war, etc. – I thought for certain this was just a planted news story that would end with a triumphant last-minute rescue. A badly-needed win for a country in the grip of low morale. (Think Apollo 13 or the Miracle on Ice.) Sadly, it didn’t turn out that way.

Rest in peace.

Usually I’m all for dark humor, but I couldn’t go along with all the jokes a lot of people were making about the Titan when the story was still fresh. I honestly feel a very real sympathy for the five people onboard, mainly because going down to see the Titanic wreckage is exactly the kind of thing I would do if I had the resources and opportunity (see also: “a quarter-million dollars to spend on a submarine tour”). I’m a big believer in making the dash on your headstone count, and it’s sad to think that these adventurers lost their lives while attempting to live them to the fullest.

While I’m still thinking about this – I remember seeing an interview with James Cameron around the time Titanic came out where he described the experience of diving down to see and film the actual shipwreck. It goes without saying that the ocean floor is unimaginably dark, and on one occasion Cameron and his crew came perilously close to crashing into the Titanic because they didn’t see it in time. That story has always stuck with me, because I just can’t think of a more preventable way to die. A submarine implosion is one thing. Crashing into a sunken ocean liner that’s been minding its own business since 1912 is quite another.

It sure would have made an interesting footnote in his biography, though.

James Cameron (1954-1996). Innovative and respected filmmaker. Director of Aliens, Terminator, and Terminator 2. Died crashing into the Titanic.

By Starlite

On a much much lighter note, I’ve been doing a lot of writing this summer, and I’m happy to report that one of my short stories was recently selected for publication in an anthology from Starlite Pulp.

I’m especially happy about this, because the story they selected – “Things are Different in Dallas” – is one of the 12 stories I’m planning to include in my upcoming collection. This makes me feel like I’m on the right track.

To hear more about “Things are Different in Dallas” and the awesome anthology it’s included in, check out the Starlite roundtable where I appeared as a guest along with most of the other authors. (My segment is rated B for Bad Camera Angle.)

To order your copy of Starlite Review #2, click here.

And if you’re wanting to ask me when my full collection will be available – I get that question a lot – the honest answer is that I’m still working on it.

My Time in the Desert (Almost)

Another question I get asked a lot is whether I’m ever going back to teach in Korea. As of now, the answer to that question is probably not. I loved my time in Seoul and will undoubtedly go back to visit at some point, but unless I’m hired for a university position, I can’t imagine going back to work.

I did, however, come extremely close to accepting a job in Saudi Arabia at the beginning of summer.

My old friend Brent has been working there for almost a decade now, and he reached out to me about an open training position with his company. I had two successful interviews, filled out all the paperwork, and was expecting a contract at any minute. But, in the end I had to decline due to a few family and personal reasons. It just wasn’t the right time.

I still find myself thinking about it from time to time, though. From what I understand, there are a lot of positive changes going on in the Kingdom. I’d love to see it someday. For now I’ll be returning to my old school (sixth grade this time) in the fall.

The Birthday Season

My decision to remain in the States has led to a lot of nice opportunities to reconnect with my family. A few weeks ago, most of us got together to celebrate my grandmother’s 91st birthday in style.

More recently, I traveled up to Memphis for my godson Henry’s FIRST birthday. It turned into a comedy of errors, because his party was scheduled at the same time as the Starlite roundtable I posted above. While I was in my cousin’s room doing my interview via Zoom, everyone else was in the living room singing “Happy Birthday,” eating cake, and opening presents. By the time I wrapped things up, the party was basically over. I went all the way to Memphis and still missed Henry’s birthday. Talk about the worst godfather ever.

But, at least I got a chance to do this:

I love you, godson. Promise I’ll do better next year.

If this aggravation/raspberry combo seems familiar, it’s probably because you’ve seen the original.

Rounding out our trilogy of birthdays was Josie. Josie is my cousin Jessica’s daughter, which makes her (I think) my first cousin once removed.

I couldn’t make it back to Memphis for Josie’s party, unfortunately, but I hear it was a great time, and I got a lot of good pictures on the family group chat. Happy birthday, Josie! I’ll be there next year for sure.

The Concert Season

Birthdays aren’t the only thing I’ve been up to lately. Near the end of June I actually got to see one of the Dresden Dolls reunion shows in New Orleans.

The Dresden Dolls – for the uninitiated – are the world’s premier cabaret-punk band. Imagine goth-style Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls coming to life and making a lot of noise in an early 20th century playroom and you’ll have the basic idea. One minute they might perform a Spanish-style guitar ballad. The next minute, they’re cranking out a cover of “Fight for Your Right” by the Beastie Boys.

“The Port of Amsterdam”

“Fight for Your Right”

“Coin Operated Boy”

I’ve been listening to the Dolls since sometime around 2005 or so. Glad I finally got to see them.

Back in April, I also had a chance to see Postmodern Jukebox. If you spend any amount of time online, you’ve probably seen at least one of their videos by now. They’re the group that takes popular rock, rap, country, and pop songs and remixes them as jazz, blues, lounge, and Old Hollywood numbers.

Here are their takes on “Gangsta’s Paradise” and “Seven Nation Army.”

Their performance was a lot like an old-fashioned variety show, with a lot of dancing and audience banter in-between the songs. I know I’ll sound like a little kid saying this, but it was really just a lot of fun to be there.

“Life on Mars” (David Bowie cover)

From what I understand, they perform at the Hard Rock Biloxi almost annually, so hit me up if you wanna go next year. I will definitely be there.

Closing Notes

That’s pretty much what I’ve got for now, kids. Oppenheimer is only 10 days away, so I’ve got to get back to reading the book if I want to finish it before the movie comes out.

In the meantime, make sure you see Sound of Freedom, preferably in a theater. It’s a movie that needs and deserves to be seen.

Also, I’m gonna start vlogging again soon, so let me know if you have any questions for the Q&A.

Thanks for making it to the end, dear reader. ‘Til next time…

Lord J. Wiltz
July 11, 2023
jwiltz.com
j@jwiltz.com

3 Tragically Overlooked Christmas Shows

Ho ho ho, dear readers, and welcome back to A Day With J.

As I correctly predicted back in May, I was indeed asked to play Santa Claus for my school’s unbelievable, star-studded Christmas program this year. I mean, let’s be realistic: I’m chubby, I’m an extrovert, and I’m the only male teacher on staff – what were the odds?

Anyway, as Santa, I’m something of an expert on this whole Christmas business, which is why I’m here to deliver this important message to all of you today:

There are other things to watch at Christmas besides National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, Elf, and A Christmas Story.

Don’t get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against any of those movies. I watch them multiple times a year just like everybody else. But, apart from the occasional sighting of Love Actually and the stop-motion Rankin-Bass classics, they’re basically the only Christmas shows I ever see on TV when I’m flipping through the channels. Meanwhile, a ton of others are left to wallow in obscurity like a bunch of misfit toys. It’s criminal.

That’s why I’ve compiled the following shortlist of overlooked Christmas shows – personal favorites from my childhood that you and your kids will probably enjoy too.

Here we go.

(1) Mickey’s Christmas Carol

I was taking it for granted that everyone just kind of knew about A Christmas Carol by osmosis, but when I played this for my students this year it quickly became apparent that many of them were only hearing the story for the first time. Most of them knew the words “Scrooge” and “Bah Humbug!” but they didn’t know where they had come from. Being a big ole book nerd (and because it’s my job), I decided to give them a little bit of background. I taught them about round vs. flat characters and explained that A Christmas Carol is probably the most famous example of the Victorian ghost story. They’ve probably forgotten most of that by now, but as for A Christmas Carol itself, they loved it. One of them even commented, “Mr. Wiltz, this story is really good!” Yes, it is. And that’s why it needs to be on your holiday viewing and/or reading list.

Countless versions have been made over the years, but for my money, Mickey’s Christmas Carol (the 1983 version) is the way to go. It’s not too long, it covers all the important parts of the story, the animation is beautiful, and like a lot of children’s programming from the 80s and 90s, it doesn’t mind going really dark in service of the plot. (The Third Spirit literally tosses Scrooge into the flames of Hell to let him know he needs to get his act together.) My only complaint is that the opening title sequence goes on and on and on forever and a day. Be ready to fast-forward.

You can probably find Mickey’s Christmas Carol on Disney Plus.

(2) Ziggy‘s Gift

When I was growing up, my parents had a VHS tape labeled “Christmas Cartoons” that contained something like 6 hours of animated holiday shows they’d recorded off of television – How the Grinch Stole Christmas, The Looney Tunes Christmas Special, Garfield’s Christmas, two versions of Frosty the Snowman, you name it. The first show on that tape was Ziggy’s Gift.

Ziggy, as some of you might know, was (is?) a newspaper comic strip character who could often be found on calendars, greeting cards, and coffee mugs back in the day.

As far as I can tell, Ziggy’s Gift was his only television appearance. And I’m hear to tell you, people, the makers of this show got it exactly right. It starts off with Ziggy applying to become a bell-ringer for some sort of charity organization, completely ignorant of the fact that it’s actually a total scam. But plot twist! Instead of collecting money for the scam organization, Ziggy goes around giving to those less fortunate. Along the way, he shows kindness to an unwanted Christmas tree, a lost kitten, a shop full of turkeys, a homeless man, a thief, and a group of foster children. He does all of this without saying a word. No heavy-handed messages about “the true meaning of Christmas” or anything like that here. It’s all demonstration and subtlety – show, don’t tell. A gentle little masterpiece.

You can find Ziggy’s Gift on YouTube (click above). Just be forewarned that you might want to keep some tissue on hand. It can be a real tear-jerker.

(3) A Chipmunk Christmas

The last entry on this list was also on the “Christmas Cartoons” tape – A Chipmunk Christmas starring your old pals Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. In the more popular Christmas stories, there’s usually a character who either doesn’t understand Christmas (see also: Charlie Brown) or just hates it altogether (see also: the Grinch). The climax of the story comes when these characters see the error of their ways and learn that Christmas is all about love, family, giving to those less fortunate, the birth of Jesus, etc. What I love about A Chipmunk Christmas is that it completely flips the script. Instead of a bad situation turning good, it’s all about a good deed that causes things to turn bad.

It begins with Alvin overhearing a mother and daughter talking about a very sick little boy named Tommy, who might very well die soon (there’s that 80s darkness again). Upon learning that Tommy would like to have a Golden Echo Harmonica, Alvin – usually a self-obsessed little narcissist – does something completely out of character and gives Tommy his. This act of generosity creates a problem, however, because the Chipmunks are playing a Christmas concert at Carnegie Hall and Alvin needs the (expensive) harmonica to play a solo. He doesn’t want to tell his foster father Dave what he’s done, because Dave gave him the harmonica and his feelings might be hurt. Thus, the plot revolves around Alvin trying to raise money so he can buy another one.

It’s a great story with an interesting structure, not to mention the strangest dream sequence you’ll ever find in a Christmas cartoon. (Seriously, what were they on?) And P.S. you’re gonna love the final scene that brings everything together.

A Chipmunk Christmas can be found on Dailymotion.


That’s what I’ve got for now, dear readers. I hope you’ll take me up on this and add these to your Christmas watch list this year. Please let me know if you do.

Merry Christmas!

J. Wiltz
12/21/2022

All in the Mary Month of May

Before you say anything, dear reader:

(1) I know I said I was gonna try to be a better blogger this year when I last posted five months ago. It would appear that I have fallen short of my goal.

and

(2) I know some of you are probably thinking I misspelled the word “merry” in the title of this post, but I promise you I didn’t. Why did I spell it this way? Read ’til the end to find out. (By the way, do you know the name of the “strolling through the park one day…” song this title is taken from? Click here to find out.)

Who else sees that font and immediately thinks of Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness?

So anyway, it’s June now, and it sure looks like it’s gonna be a super-busy summer for your Friend and Humble Narrator J here. But before I disappear into a cloud of work and responsibility, let me tell you about all the cool stuff that happened in May.

For starters, I lost 10 pounds (more to come), a friend who’s been in a rough patch started taking steps to turn his life around, and a certain old radio co-host of mine finalized an incredible business deal. But that’s just the beginning.

Let’s take it chronologically:

May 4th – I became Uncle J to a brand new, beautiful niece

On May 4th, my dear friends Young and Jason welcomed a healthy baby girl named Jayna Jiyoo into the world.

Young was my very first teaching partner in Korea (2011), and Jason was the guy who ended up falling for her and bringing her back to Ohio with him. Together with our Canadian friend Sarah, we became a pretty tightly-knit little quartet. Ate a lot of meals together. Did a lot of bowling. Mastered a lot of escape rooms. Saw a lot of movies. Took a lot of road trips. Long story short, Jayna’s birth truly feels like a family affair. 🙂

On a sidenote, it wasn’t lost on any of us that Jayna was born on Star Wars Day,

Sarah and I desperately fought for her middle name to be Leia, Chewie, Yoda, R2-D2, etc. When that didn’t work, we suggested maybe Darth Jayna or Jaynakin. That didn’t work either, and eventually her middle name was declared to be Jiyoo. Young and Jason probably did the right thing, but I’m still gonna get her a lightsaber for her 100 Days Party.

Congratulations, y’all! I love you both and couldn’t be happier to be Uncle J. 🙂


May 6th – An old friend helped me find a perfect new job

This part requires a little bit of background to get the full effect.

In April I applied for a teaching position at my old elementary school, which shall remain nameless because I’m a nice person. It seemed like everything was going well with the application process, but on April 6th I got a message telling me that I’d been turned down. Ordinarily this wouldn’t have bothered me too much (win some, lose some – it’s just a fact of life), but April 6th was also the two-year anniversary of the day when my old canine companion Kimchi had his first major episode of heart failure. The whole day felt cursed. It was really kind of a bummer.

But one month to the day I ran into my old neighbor “Miss Susie” at Wal-Mart (because that’s where you run into people when you live in the South).

Like a good neighbor, Miss Susie is there.

She asked me what I’d been up to, and I told her I was looking for work after being turned down for the job a month earlier. Without missing a beat, she told me to get in touch with St. James Catholic School, where she used to be principal, and see if they were looking for any teachers.

I dropped them a line as soon as I got home. Five days later I had an interview. The day after that, I was offered a new job. 🙂

To be continued…


May 11th – My buddy Garrett proved it’s never too late to start over

Garrett “G Money” Magee was a close friend, co-worker, and roommate of mine during the Apartment 86 era of my undergraduate days. (You might have seen the video where he and I ran over Wendy Bell with my car.) Garrett hit a rough patch somewhere along the way and ended up moving home, never finishing his degree. But on May 11th of this year he turned it all around and became a college graduate – summa cum laude, no less!

Congratulations, old boy! You’ve done the 86 proud. We seriously need a reunion.


May 19th – My buddy Mike kept the Spinal Tap curse at bay for another year

If you’re not familiar with the Spinal Tap curse, I’ll make it very simple: all of their drummers have died under mysterious circumstances and/or in completely freak accidents.

Fortunately, my drummer (and very dear friend) Mike has managed to survive another trip around the sun. He celebrated his birthday on May 19th. Like I always remind him: no matter how old we get, I’ll always be six days younger. 🙂

Happy birthday, dude! Hoping to make it out your way as soon as I can.

Mike with his amazing wife and kids

May 20th – I heard the soundtrack of my life played live

In what was probably the greatest early birthday present of my life, I saw the Smashing Pumpkins live in New Orleans on May 20th. Fellow fans will be happy to know that they played old songs, new songs, greatest hits, deep cuts, and – the hands-down crowd favorite – a cover of the Talking Heads’ “Once in a Lifetime.”

This isn’t from the New Orleans show, but it’ll give you the basic idea.

At one point Billy Corgan even brought his kids onstage.

Billy Corgan brought his kids onstage during “Cyr.”
My friend-since-grade-school Emmett was with me. He said it was nice to see the angsty rock stars of our adolescence become happy, well-adjusted adults with families. haha

The Smashing Pumpkins take the stage in New Orleans. May 20, 2022.

“Cherub Rock” – the opening track from the Pumpkins’ classic album Siamese Dream

Pre-“Tonight, Tonight” banter between Billy Corgan and James Iha

Farewell and Goodnight

We were on Row 12

May 21st – I went inside the Little Witch House

Another great early birthday present. There’s a house in the neighborhood where I grew up that I’ve always referred to as “the Little Witch House.” It’s painted green and white with stars and moons on its shutters, and its roof and front porch go up into high pointed arches – the kind of house you might see in a fairy tale or storybook.

This isn’t the house I’m talking about, but it’s kind of the same idea.
I’ve learned that this style of house is simply called a storybook house.

I’ve spent my whole life imagining what kind of person might live in a house like this. An eccentric old professor, maybe. Or a kindly old lady with lots of cats and crystal figurines. Or a really intelligent animal that reads books and wears tweed jackets like Badger in The Wind in the Willows.

I want to live in a cozy house like Badger’s when I’m old and retired.

Anyway, it’s a long story, but thanks to a combination of good luck and friendliness, I finally got to go inside on May 21st. The owner did in fact turn out to be an eccentric old professor, and the interior of the house was even better than I’ve always imagined. Out of respect for his privacy and property I won’t post any pictures (sorry), but I wanted to write this down for the sake of my own memories. I really couldn’t believe it, y’all. I went inside the Little Witch House!


May 23rd – I signed my name on the dotted line (continued from May 6th)

Though I accepted the offer for my new job on May 12th, my paperwork and contract weren’t finalized until May 23rd. That was the day I officially became a third-grade homeroom teacher at St. James Catholic School.

I’ll be taking three courses at William Carey during the summer to obtain my U.S. teaching license, and by August I’ll be good to go. It’s hard to put into words how excited I am about all this. I’ve been back in the States for two years now, but thus far I’ve avoided looking for teaching jobs, mainly because so many American schools and curriculums are at odds with my values and opinions about education. St. James, on the other hand, is exactly what I’ve been looking for.

And just a beautiful coincidence: May 23rd was the one-year anniversary of the day we said goodbye to Kimchi. A day of sadness became a day of new beginnings. Can’t help but think I’ve got a fluffy little angel at my heels.

May 25th – Happy Birthday to Me

Like the aforementioned Mike, I too celebrated a birthday last month (see also: “J Day”). It was a pretty low-key affair this year – just Chinese food and black forest cake with the family – but it really hit the spot.

I think there comes a point in life when you really have to stop expecting everyone to care very much about your birthday, but I’ve been blessed with many friends and family members who reached out to send their best wishes. Many thanks to all of you. I’ll do my best to reconnect when things slow down.


May 28th – Oh, Babies!

Both of my cousins on my mom’s side will be having babies in July, so this year on Memorial Day Weekend we drove up to Mississippi for their baby shower. (You probably have to be from the Gulf Coast to appreciate my “drove up to Mississippi” joke. haha) Baby showers are usually kind of a girly affair, but this one was part-barbecue, so we guys didn’t feel too left out. Plus, it’s always nice to spend time with family and friends.

Quick mentions for my fellow book nerds. I picked up a new copy of St. Louis de Montfort’s classic The Secret of the Rosary at mass the next morning. Then my mom was nice enough to get me a Joan Didion essay collection (Library of America edition) at Barnes & Noble to thank me for driving. Thanks Mom!

On the way home we went to Fresh Market and had lunch at Cracker Barrel, which gave me a chance to stock up on novelty drinks and root beers.

Do y’all know the story about my mom
and the Shirley Temple?

On the far left you’ll see the Butter Beer from Harry Potter. On the far right you’ll see the Sioux City Sarsaparilla from The Big Lebowski.

And then – icing on the cake – we stopped to get gas and there was a Joe Biden “I Did That!” sticker on the pump.

I’d heard about people doing this to mock the high gas prices, but I’d never actually seen one of these stickers in the wild before. I wonder if they’ll be museum pieces like the Eisenhower “I Like Ike” buttons and Obama HOPE posters someday.

May 31st – You’ve Got the Write Stuff

Rounding out this month of little victories was a package I received in the mail from my old friend and fellow Gulf Coast writer Reagan “RJ” McDowell (a.k.a. Jonquil O’Dell). She sent me an ARC (advanced reader copy) of her debut book, Agatha Anxious & the Deer Island Ghost.

As you can see from the cover, it’s the first in a series of young adult books based on spooky stories and urban legends from around the Gulf Coast. I’d be interested in reading something like this anyway, but it’s especially cool to know it was written by someone I know, admire, and once sold a magic mirror to. 🙂

You done good, Evil Queen! Congratulations on this awesome accomplishment. Looking forward to the success of this amazing series.


Conclusion

So why did I title this post “All in the Mary Month of May?” Well, as some of you might know, May is the Month of Mary on the Roman Catholic calendar. This had a special significance for me this year.

Again, this might require a quick story –

Somewhere around February or March I realized that I just didn’t feel well anymore. Everyone makes jokes about how people over 40 feel tired all the time, but this was something more than that. It wasn’t just exhaustion: I felt purposeless, unfocused, and completely burned out. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything for very long, not even the writing projects I desperately wanted to work on.

What was wrong with me?

Maybe my nine years of non-stop work in Korea were finally catching up with me. Maybe I had health problems I wasn’t paying enough attention to. Maybe I was still grieving for Kimchi. Maybe I was having a midlife crisis. Whatever it was, I could see that I was clearly in some sort of rut.

So, for Lent this year (March 2nd – April 14th), I made a commitment to pick myself up: body, mind, and soul.

This isn’t my style of spirituality, but it says “Body, Mind, and Soul” on it, so just bear with me here.

This meant eating healthier and exercising more. Wasting less time on social media. Making time to read. Setting daily goals. Not procrastinating. Spending time in silence and prayer. Fasting. Saying the rosary.

By Easter I was feeling much better, and by May – as you can see – blessings were everywhere and my prayers were being answered.

My Protestant, non-Christian, and non-religious friends might not understand the Catholic devotion to Our Lady, but after all the good things that have happened for me and so many of my favorite people over the past month, I hope it at least makes sense to hear me repeat her words from Luke 1:49 –

If you’re not feeling your best, dear reader, I hope you’ll consider asking her for her help and intercession. You might even consider praying this novena. It worked for me. Just putting it out there.

Gotta get back to work now. Hope everyone is doing well.

Here’s to more great months ahead,
J. Wiltz

A Few Notes to Get 2022 Started

Greetings, dear readers, and welcome back to A Day with J. Let me apologize up front if I seem a little low energy in this post. One of my New Year’s resolutions this year is to cut back on sugar and carbs, which means I’m currently in the middle of a brain-foggy carb withdrawal/sugar crash episode.

How I feel. I’m not going 100% keto, but I think I’m experiencing something similar to the keto flu.

Anyway, we’re one week into 2022 now, and, like everyone else in the known universe, I’m coming out of my holiday hibernation and starting to get things done. My resolutions this year include:

• finishing my book by the end of summer
• completing two short film projects
• starting Brazilian jiu-jitsu lessons (in English this time!) with my buddy Shane
• listening to new music (any recommendations?)
• going on at least one road or train trip

I know I say this every year around this time, but I’m also gonna try really hard to be a better blogger this year. Fun fact: I pay 100 bucks a year for WordPress Premium and last year I only posted 2 or 3 times – and most of those posts were nothing but embedded YouTube videos. Can’t keep doing that. Gotta get my money’s worth. So, let’s get it…

JWiltz.com is Now Live

The most newsworthy thing I need to share with all of you this time around is that I’ve officially launched my new website, jwiltz.com You can watch a quick video about it down below. OR, if you’re one of the cool kids, you can follow the links and watch it on Bitchute, Odysee, or Rumble. (WordPress won’t allow me to embed videos from those sites – no punk rockers at Studio 54, you know.)

Check out jwiltz.com today!

Along with the usual self-promotional stuff my site will be hosting a monthly writing contest. If you enjoy writing you should take a crack at it. Who knows? You might win some money. And money never hurts.

There’s also a Friends page where I plan to showcase fellow writers, artists, and creative types. So, if you write, paint, make music, or whatever, by all means, please drop me a line and introduce yourself. As Jack White once said –

“I can’t come up with a better plan
So put your fingers in my hand
And, baby, let’s be friends.”

“Hold Your Breath. Make a Wish. Count to Three.”

The next thing I want to share with all of you is a picture I recently posted on Facebook.

My signed Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory cast photo

As you can see, this is a cast photo from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory signed by all five kids. I’ve had it for a long time but didn’t take it to get framed and matted until last week. It was kinda cool – when I first walked into Michael’s with it, there was only one person working in the custom framing department. Five minutes later, there were a half-dozen employees crowded around wanting to see it. Word travelled fast. The lady who put it together for me came up with the idea of using a golden border to resemble a golden ticket. I think she made the right call. I’m really happy with the way it turned out.

The obvious questions are: (a) how did I get it? and (b) how do I know the signatures are authentic? The answer might come as a bit of a surprise, but it’s really not all that difficult to find stuff signed by the Wonka kids. They get together for reunions and conventions every few years and sign just about everything in sight. Do an eBay search for “autographed Wonka cast photo” and you’ll find all sorts of collectibles with their names on them. Most autograph dealers – including the one I bought this picture from – post pictures of themselves with the actors/actresses as proof of their authenticity.

Finding Wonka stuff signed by Gene Wilder is a little trickier and more expensive, and these days a lot of items are only signed by 4 of the 5 kids. (Denise Nickerson, who played Violet Beauregarde, passed away in 2019.) But if you love Willy Wonka like I do, you’ll be happy to know that this stuff is not impossible to find.

This little treasure will always hold a prominent place on the wall of my writing room.

And Speaking of Writing..,

Things are moving along pretty well with my short story collection. I’d say a full third of it is now in the can. There were a few interruptions over the holidays, so I’m taking the next 2-3 months off to do nothing but write. Like I told my dad: if I died tomorrow I wouldn’t say, “Oh no, I never worked a 9-to-5 and paid a mortgage.” I’d say, “Oh no, I never published my books.” You’ve got to belong to it.

Later this year I’ll be looking for an illustrator and someone who might be able to help me navigate the publishing process. If you know of anyone, please point them in my direction.

Special thanks to everyone who’s said “I can’t wait to read your book.” I’m working on it, y’all.

Great News from My Extended Family

This just in! I thought this was gonna be an unusually short and uneventful post, but I’ve just found out that my cousin Joseph and his wife Taylor are expecting their firstborn in July of this year.

I don’t think I get any special new title for having a cousin with a child. It doesn’t make me an uncle or a grand-cousin or anything like that. Guess I’ll have to come up with something. In the meantime, congrats you two! Living the dream.

Let’s Wrap This Up

I can’t think of anything that can follow that, so I’m gonna go ahead and stop while I’m ahead. Thanks for taking time to scroll through this, dear reader. Hopefully next time I’ll be firing on all pistons. ‘Til then, be well.

– J. Wiltz
January 8, 2022

My Covid Experience

Greetings dear readers. I posted a new vlog across social media yesterday. This one’s about my current situation, my heroic struggle against covid-19, and the beer that’s sitting in my fridge for almost a month.

0:00 – titles and intro

1:23 – my current situation

6:17 – my covid-19 experience

15:28 – drinking alone

Enjoy!

A Farewell to Kimchi (2011-2021)

It’s a shame that the first blog post I’ve written in seven months will be a sad one, dear readers, but unfortunately there’s no way around it. On May 23, 2021, my old friend Kimchi crossed the rainbow bridge. If you have time, I hope you’ll take a few minutes to celebrate his memory by watching the tribute video I put together for him. (You can watch it below or click this link.) It explains everything…And if you stick around long enough you’ll see that there’s a twist to it. 🙂

There’s a lot I could say right now – about the stages of grief, the experience of caring for a sick pet, the feeling that Kimchi’s death brings my time in Korea to its true end, the many things I’ll miss about him, etc. – but I think I’ll save all that for a longer essay to be published in the future.

In the meantime, I hope all of you are doing well. Please do me a favor and hug your pets extra close today.

More from me in the weeks ahead,

J.
June 5, 2021

Diapers and Democracy (What I’ve Been Up To)

Whoa! Has it really been four months since I last posted an update? Sorry about that, dear readers. I really wanted to be a better blogger this year, but it looks like I should probably put that on my list of things to try again in 2021.

Oh well. Regret is a wasted emotion. Here’s a quick rundown of some stuff I’ve been doing while I haven’t been blogging.

Her Heart Will Go On

As some of you know, my mom had a heart attack way back in February 2004. Her prize for surviving it was a pacemaker-defibrillator that’s been hanging out in her chest ever since. Fast-forward 16 years, it started going haywire and giving her a lot of trouble – and thanks to coronavirus she wasn’t able to see a surgeon about it until late summer. But on September 28th, after months of general discomfort and waiting, she was finally admitted to Oschner in New Orleans and given a hardware update. Fun fact: I always thought her pacemaker ran on a long-lasting battery, but it turns out there are actually wires and electrical parts threaded throughout her cardiovascular system. Who knew my mom and Tony Stark had so much in common?  

For the past six weeks I’ve been helping out around the house and daycare while she recovers. At this point I am officially an expert on Puppy Dog Pals and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Before you ask: yes, I’ve learned how to change diapers. And yes, I’ve already been peed on. Call it a rite of passage. I honestly don’t know how you parents out there do it. 

I Wanna Know…Have You Ever Seen the Rain? 

On October 28th – one month to the day after Mom’s heart procedure – Hurricane Zeta came ripping through Biloxi. My usual routine when we have a hurricane is to evacuate to Jackson or New Orleans, but Zeta’s storm track cut through both of them, making it pointless to go anywhere. Here’s what I wrote about the experience in my journal. 

     Two days ago (two nights, actually) we had our first hurricane of the 2020 season …Kimchi and I went to Maw Maw’s house. [Maw Maw is my grandmother.] She’s been alone and vulnerable since we put Pari down [Pari was her dog], so I thought it would be good to go and keep her company. On the selfish side, I’ve always heard that her house is like a silent fortress during storms and I thought that would be best for Kimchi and his murmury little heart.
     This was the first hurricane I’ve ever stayed in Biloxi for. We evacuated for Elena in 1985, and I was the only one who left when Katrina hit in 2005 (the only one in my family, that is). This one’s name was Zeta.  

   
For the most part, Maw Maw’s house lived up to its reputation. The storm started rolling in around 7:00, and, except for a couple of rough windy patches, it was either silent or sounded like a typical thunderstorm. Kimchi was amazing. He slept through a lot of it, and when the wind picked up he just walked in circles around the coffee table. At the storm’s peak I gave him a treat (a chicken stick, his favorite) and he ignored the whole thing. No barking outbursts, medical issues, or terrified whimpering to speak of. I think we did well. 
     Around 10:30 the storm started to die off and by 11 it was over. Maw Maw went to her bedroom to sleep, and at 1:00 a.m. I put the harness on Kimchi and we went for a walk. My grandmother’s house is in an older neighborhood that was developed sometime in the 50s or 60s – all the house look like great places to throw backyard tiki parties. First we walked north until we came to a tree that had fallen across the road. Then we turned around and walked down to Pass Road. I’ve heard a lot of people say the weather in the eye of a hurricane is beautiful and wax poetic about the calm before a storm, but the calm after was truly an experience. The air was very cool and there were no signs of life along the street. Full moon up in the sky. It was like we had the whole world to ourselves. 
     When we got to Pass Road I could see a few utility trucks over on Eisenhower Drive. I thought that might be a sign that we’d have electricity again in just a few hours, but that clearly wasn’t the case. [This journal entry was written two days after the storm and we still didn’t have power.]

At sunrise we went outside again and were shocked at the magnitude of the damage. Trees and power lines were snapped and down all over. My grandmother’s neighbor thinks a tornado might have come through. The same was true all down Pass Road. A lot of trees and power lines down, plus all the traffic lights were dead or destroyed. The signs for all the fast food places were blown out, and some of the house I passed (and the Fatima chapel) were missing shingles. 
     Mom and Dad made it out okay. There were a lot of leaves and branches in their yard but nothing too serious. Mom was pissed off not to have air-conditioning and swore she’s never staying for another storm. She said the wind was horrible and that she’d spent all night waiting for the roof to fly off. She’s still in a bad mood today. 
     Last night we stayed at Katie’s [my sister’s], which never really lost power because it’s on the same power grid as the police station. Except for a few limbs in the yard and a broken car window she’s doing just fine. Kimchi got all of his food and medicine on time and is now resting on the bed just a few feet away. I think we need a day of R & R.  

Choose Wisely

A few days later, with trees, power lines, and miscellaneous debris still scattered across the streets, I walked down to my local polling station (it’s only a block away) and cast my ballot in the 2020 presidential election. 

I’ve tried very hard not to say much about this election, because really, what difference at this point does it make? Everyone’s already made up their minds about what’s going on, and any mention of it sends social media into peak childishness. But, if you’ve read this far into my blog I’m assuming you might be interested in hearing my take on it. So, here it is.

Call it counter-intuitive, but I can’t shake the feeling that the person/party who wins the White House will ultimately lose a greater cultural battle. Both sides already seem to be preparing for this. Let me break it down for you.

1) First, it’s important to understand that the election is not actually over. This is not a right-wing talking point; it’s a fact. Biden and Harris are the projected winners, but nothing is official until the legal challenges are settled.

2) Trump supporters are convinced that Biden and the Democrats have committed election fraud on a massive scale. This ties in to the larger Trumpian worldview that ordinary Americans are being shafted by powerful elites who hate them and want to take away their freedom. (For a sober explanation of these points, I recommend watching this video. Dr. Steve Turley is an admitted partisan and Trump supporter, but he does a great job of explaining how this could all play out.)

3) Biden supporters are convinced that Trump is simply a sore loser who can’t accept defeat. They are currently downplaying his legal investigations by referring to Joe Biden as the president-elect and playing Kamala Harris up as some sort of civil rights icon.

It’s very exciting for anyone who wants to see Trump removed from office, but remember, it’s all just symbolism. The election is not over.

4) With the re-election of Republican senator Dan Sullivan in Alaska, the GOP now has a 50-seat advantage in the Senate. Meanwhile, the Democrats still hold the House. This means we can probably expect a lot of partisan gridlock for the next couple of years. Get ready for “Well, we wanted to pass (some type of legislation) but it’s been held up by (the other party) in the House/Senate.”

5) If Biden is ultimately declared the winner, Trump supporters will remain convinced that the election was stolen from them in the early hours of the morning. This will translate into an organized opposition force that will most likely sweep the 2022 midterms. If you’re not old enough to remember, do a little research on the Tea Party Movement and the 2010 midterms. President Obama was a lame duck for six years because of that. And Trump supporters are a lot more aggressive than the Tea Party ever thought of being.

6) If Trump is ultimately declared the winner, the opposite could be true. Democrats (who heard somewhere that Biden had already been declared the president) will believe that Trump has turned around and stolen the election from them. On top of all the usual stuff they accuse him of, they’ll say he’s engaged in voter suppression and prevented the first woman/person of color from assuming her rightful role in the White House. This will be used as a rallying cry going into the midterms and could conceivably lead Democrats to a 2024 where, once again, they control the presidency, House, and Senate.

So the question is: which would you rather have, the pleasure of saying “We Won!” and then twiddling your thumbs for a while or the momentum to take over the whole show in a couple of years? You’ve gotta think strategy.

Personally, I’ve always wondered why we can’t just have two presidents. The blue states would follow Biden’s laws and the red states would follow Trump’s. Wouldn’t that solve all of our problems?

I don’t know. There’s probably a downside I haven’t thought about yet.


Time to Wrap This Up

Anyway, that’s enough politics for now. I’ve gotta get busy working on my contribution to the 2020 Challenge from Beyond (a round-robin story project published by Arkham Bazaar and the H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival). I have the honor of taking part in it this year after winning the 2019 micro-fiction contest. Looking forward to it.

As we’ve seen, it might be a while before I post another update here, so here’s my Barnes & Noble Wishlist for anyone wondering what I want for Christmas next month. I also accept cash, checks, money orders, Paypal, and Venmo…This is all sarcasm, by the way. Much as I love getting presents, I’m not actually expecting you to get me anything, dear readers. But I do hope you’re all doing well and that you’ll touch base to let me know what’s going on with you and yours.

Talk soon!

J.

Find me online: https://linktr.ee/geminihills

The Eagle Has Landed: 8 Questions Answered

Introduction

Greetings, dear readers, and welcome back to A Day with J. I celebrated my first 4th of July weekend in a decade this year – friends, family, fireworks, fried chicken, the whole nine. So, while I’ve got America on the brain, I figure now would be a perfect time to drop a quick update about my new life here in the States.  If you read my last post, you’ll remember that I was right on the verge of leaving Korea and spending some time with my buddy Keith and his family in Hawaii. Let’s start there…

(1) How was Hawaii?

Looking mighty dapper in my aloha shirt.

I’m sure it will come as exactly zero surprise to anyone that Hawaii was friggin’ amazing. After a stressful year filled with curriculum planning and viral outbreaks, a few weeks of island hopping and tiki bar exploration were just what the doctor ordered. Some of you might have seen the awesomely smarmy videos I posted on Instagram along the way.

Unfortunately, just like my final year in Seoul, my time in Hawaii was cut short by covid-19. One morning Keith walked into the guest room where I was staying and said, “Dude, I hate to do this, but if we don’t get you out of here by tonight you might be stuck here for a while.” There are worse places to be stuck than Big Island, Hawaii, of course, but I understood where he was coming from. That night I boarded a plane and flew on home to Biloxi just before the virus put everything on lockdown.

Hawaii deserves its own post filled with pics, videos, and travel commentary, and I promise I’ll deliver it to you just as soon as the bullshit is over and I’m able to finish my trip.

There is a silver lining, though…

I managed to pick up a copy of Ulysses before I left the islands. 🙂

(2) Cool. So how does it feel to be home?

This is the question I get more than any other, and the short answer is that it feels very different. Apart from work-related stress, my life in Korea was relatively simple. Among other things, I didn’t have to worry about driving a car, being involved in any family drama, or paying much attention to national politics. Now that I’m home, all of those things are on the daily menu. You might not believe this, but just being able to understand what everyone around me is saying has been a bit of an adjustment for me. It’s kind of like those tear-jerking YouTube videos where people have their cochlear implants turned on for the first time.

On the plus side, it’s great to see my friends and family – and go to Wendy’s whenever I want! I had no intentions of being a teacher for the rest of my life, so now is a time to start putting new plans into motion. It’s exciting, but like I said, very different.

(3) How’s your family? 

With the possible exception of my grandmother (my mom’s mom, “Granny”), everyone seems to be doing pretty well at the time of this post. Granny – for those concerned – has been having some trouble with her eyesight for the past couple of months and recently moved into the Gardens in Ocean Springs for full-time care. Before she moved in, I spent many an afternoon sitting with her and recording her life story for posterity. Here’s one of my favorite excerpts:

By the way, I’m happy to report that the entire family is satisfied and impressed with her facilities and treatment at the Gardens (managed by my childhood friend and classmate Jody Stoddard). Granny says the food there is out of this world. 🙂

In other family news, I got my dad a mini Pac-Man arcade game for Father’s Day and damn near cried at how happy it made him.

He sat and played with it at the kitchen table for almost 20 minutes straight before my mom finally told him his food was getting cold. He just looked at her like a little kid and said, “I’m having so much fun.” 🙂

Finally, a huge shout-out to my uncle Jimmy and aunt Jennifer for spotting me their old Yukon. It’s got a CD player in it, so I’ve been burning playlists to discs just like back in the day. (haha)

Seriously, though, it’s hard to overestimate the value of a reliable set of wheels. Much love, y’all.

(4) How’s Kimchi? Is he excited to have you home?

Doesn’t this face just say it all?

As you can probably imagine, my reunion with Kimchi involved a lot of happy dancing, spinning, bouncing, licking, and sounds of jubilation. (You can see the videos here.)

My parents had long harbored the delusion that after spending three years with them he wouldn’t recognize me and/or want me to come back. Wrong. He dropped them like hot potatoes and has resumed his role as my right-hand floof.

A sad story, however. One morning a couple of weeks after I got back, Kimchi stepped out of his pet carrier (where he sleeps), made a strange noise, and fell over on his side.

He’s sleeping in this pic, but his collapse was a lot like this.

He was perfectly still for about a minute, and – without being morbid – I honestly thought he had dropped dead. Then, as if nothing had happened, he just jumped right up and started moving around again.

I took him to the emergency hospital where the doctor said it could have been anything from a heat stroke to syncope to a seizure. He ran some bloodwork (everything was normal except for the BUN count, which might have been affected by dehydration) and then prescribed an anti-convulsant drug called Keppra, which Kimchi takes three times a day.

It’s heartbreaking when my little critter isn’t feeling well – more recently he’s been battling seasonal allergies and an ear infection – so I try to keep him as happy and active as I can with daily car rides, trips to the beach, and occasional afternoons at doggy day care. Anyone else ever go through a rough patch with your dog’s health? How did you handle it?

(5) Aww, that’s a bummer. Do you have any good news?

I do, actually. For starters, I’ve started spending more time than ever at Biloxi’s newly re-opened casinos. And, as luck would have it, I’ve developed a pretty good strategy for playing slots. I almost always come out a coupla hundred bucks ahead.

I’ve also had the good fortune to spend some time with my friend Daniel Leavengood, who introduced me to Firehouse Subs, and Emmett Lawrence, who’s introduced me to several top-notch Vietnamese restaurants around town. Can’t put a price on friends like that.

(6) Spending time at the casinos, huh? That can be expensive. What’s your job situation?

Perhaps my luckiest break of all. After a couple of months in the States, I realized how stupid it would be for me to blow my entire savings on fast food and weekend road trips over the course of a year. So, I posted a notice on Facebook –

and like a champ, my old gal-pal Danielle Sinopoli (now Danielle Miller) put me in touch with a friend of hers at MPS Grants.  I’ve been helping them put their new website together for a few weeks now and might eventually try my hand at becoming a grant writer. We shall see.

I also – finally! – have a new drivers license (don’t even get me started on what an ordeal that was), so I might start delivering for DoorDash or Grubhub as a side hustle.

Boy, what I wouldn’t give to go back in time to my Domino’s delivery days at Ole Miss and put all my tips into a savings account. We didn’t know how good we had it back then.

(7) Okay, so you have reliable sources of transportation and income. Now, what are your goals? What are you ultimately trying to accomplish?

By May 25th of next year (my birthday), I will have completed a collection of 11 short stories and one novella, which I intend to have published or to publish myself. As of this post, three stories are finished and four others are in the deep draft/research phases. This has been a goal of mine for as long as I can remember, and I believe I now have the time and resources to approach it properly. Several other creative projects are in the works as well.

Also, I’m trying to get in shape and improve my health.

(8) Good deal. Any goals for the near future?  

Just the daily processes of reconnecting with friends and family, expanding my social network, improving my writing through constant practice, and bringing my soul ever closer to God. You know, the usual.

Get in touch and let me know what’s up, dear readers. And ’til next time, be well.

– J.
7/6/20

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Quite Possibly My Last Post from Korea

Introduction

Before I begin, dear readers, I want you to get a good look at the following picture. Study it long and hard.

This is one of many things that no one ever tells you about teaching. According to Hollywood, a teacher’s days are spent inspiring young people to reach for the stars, turning inner city kids away from gang violence with the help of poetry, and finding out that the student everyone else thought was stupid is actually a secret math and physics wizard. It would be nice if that were true, but alas, it usually isn’t. Truth is, as a teacher, you spend a lot of time planning lessons, designing worksheets, explaining things in one-on-one conferences, editing student work, and writing progress reports. Then, at the end of the school year, most of your students just turn around and throw every last bit of it away. It’s enough to drive a person to nihilism.

The last few weeks of this school year were especially chaotic. Just when we had gotten back from winter vacation and settled in for our final English presentations, the Wuhan coronavirus broke out in China (seen in red on the map below) and started making its way around the globe.

Just across the border, authorities here in South Korea (seen in green) wasted no time putting everything on lockdown. One afternoon the students went home to practice their presentations. An hour later, they all received phone calls telling them not to come back for at least a week (we teachers still had to show up for work, though – haha). In the end, the presentations were cancelled, the graduation festivities became small classroom ceremonies (parents were told not to come), and the students were headed home after just one hour. An appropriately apocalyptic end to my time in Korea.

As of today, it’s all over but the packing.

The Next Step

Yes, it’s true. After 9 years in the Far East, I’ve paid off my debts and saved up enough money to go home and write for a while. I have a lot of projects on the back burner, but most of my time will be spent working on a collection of short stories that I hope to publish sometime in the next couple of years. (Interested in reading it? If so, please be sure to follow my progress on Facebook.)

But before I do that, I’ll be going back to where it all began…

The Island Legend of J

Some of you probably know the famous family story:
My mom and dad are on their second honeymoon in Hawaii. Mom turns to Dad with love in her eyes and says, “Tommy, let’s go for a walk on the beach and watch the sunset.”
Ever the romantic, Dad replies, “Hell no! I don’t wanna get sand in my shoes!”
Mom, slightly disappointed but still drunk on island vibes, sits on the edge of the bed and sighs. “Well,” she says, “what do you wanna do?”
Nine months later, I make my grand appearance on the world stage.

Ozzy Osbourne in a Hawaiian grass skirt.

This time around I’ll be visiting my old friend and college radio co-host Keith, his wife Ashley, and their son Jack (one of several friends’ kids that I have yet to meet). Keith’s airline has been branching out into the islands and naturally he wants to show me around: Pearl Harbor, the lepers colony where Father Damien did his work, the road to Hana, Charles Lindbergh’s resting place, the Kona Brewers Festival, Volcano National Park, the birthplace of King Kamehamema, Turtle Bay, a Mai Tai tasting, a green sand beach, a Big Island luau, and of course a trip to Waikiki! Not a bad finale to this important chapter of my life. 🙂

Pour a Little Out

Sadly, my time in Hawaii won’t be all waterfalls and tiki parties. Keith and I will also be sharing our grief about the recent loss of our dear friend Jason Barnes. I know it’s customary to say only good things about someone after they pass, but anyone who knew Barnes knows that all the good things are true. He was one of the kindest, most positive people this world has ever been graced with.

Rest in peace, old boy. Many tropical drinks will be spilled on the sand in your honor.

I’ll also be pouring some out for my friend Rachael, one of my very favorite co-workers-turned-friends from my Barnes & Noble days. Rachael and I shared similar worldviews, senses of humor, and disdain for annoying customers. She will be sorely missed. Rest in peace, my beautiful friend.

A Big Chunk of Happiness

Even as I’m typing, I realize that this post might come across as a little bleak: a teacher’s work is meaningless, Wuhan coronavirus is spreading, I’ve lost two friends in the last month…But lest you think I’m going to leave you on a negative note, I have to introduce you to my new favorite Instagram and YouTube celeb – Chunk the Groundhog!

This video will explain everything. Seriously, watch it. It will make your day. 🙂

Conclusion

Anyway, I leave Korea in two weeks. This won’t be my last post about Korea (far from it), but it might be my last post from Korea. If you have questions that I haven’t answered, now would be a good time to message me. If not, I’ll see you soon with pics of Hawaii.

Aloha! And Kamsahamnida!

– J.
2/15/2020

When Mom Visits Her Favorite: An Itinerary

Greetings, dear readers, and welcome to my first blog post of 2020. Today is Thursday, January 9th, and for the first time in a week or so I’m actually up and about, trying to be productive. Before now, my vacation was mostly spent napping, sleeping, dozing, nodding off, and generally being exhausted. Why am I so tired? Because my mom came to Seoul on December 22nd and we kept ourselves busy. Here’s a look at our itinerary.

Day 1 – Sunday, December 22nd – Arrival

Heading out on her maiden voyage. This pic was taken at the airport in Gulfport.

My mom’s plane touched down in Seoul right on time – no flight delays or hiccups.

For at least a month I’d been telling her that she was staying at La Cucaracha Backpacker’s Paradise and Dirt Motel and a guy named Sunflower would be there to pick her up in his van, but of course I was only kidding. Like any good son, I was there to meet her at the airport and take her to her real lodgings at the Royal Hotel Seoul in Myeong-dong.

Day 2 – Monday, December 23rd – A Day of Rest

I had to work the next day, which gave my mom a full day of rest and recovery back at the hotel. It’s always nice to have a day like that after a long flight. Later that evening, we took a cab over to my neighborhood and sampled some of the local street food: fried vegetables, rice cake, and “sauce chicken” from my very favorite vendor.

Within a couple of hours, Mom was kicked back in my chair with her feet on my bed, using my laptop, and eating Korean street food with a wooden skewer. I told her she was getting pretty good at this whole Korea thing.

Day 3 – Tuesday, December 24th – Back to School

The next day, I took my mom to work so she could meet my students and co-workers. My students this year have a bit of a reputation for rowdiness, but they seemed shocked to see my mom in the classroom and instinctively went into ultra-polite mode. I have to say, I was very proud of them. Unfortunately, I don’t have pictures from her visit. It was a busy day (the last day before vacation) and I always feel a little creepy taking pictures of my students.

When work was over, we went to a nearby shopping street for Cookie Dogs – part cookie, part biscuit.

Sounds good because it is.

Day 4 – Wednesday, December 25th – Joy to the World

The next day was Christmas, which means we were at Myeong-dong Cathedral bright and early to celebrate mass (in English) and pay our respects at the crypt of the Korean Martyrs.

Afterwards, we walked to nearby Shinsegae Department Store to eat lunch and look around at all the uppity luxury stores. As you can see, Mom made a friend at Louis Vuitton:

That night we went to a movie (the theaters in Seoul brought Love Actually back for Christmas – ask me what I think about that movie) and then had Burger King in honor of my late great grandfather, the legendary Flash (my mom’s dad), who was a bona fide Whopper junkie.

A very simple, but very nice Christmas.  🙂

Day 5 – Thursday, December 26th – A Day Among Royalty

With the school year and Christmas now behind us, my mom’s visit to Seoul entered its second, more tourist-y phase. Our first stop was Gyeongbokgung Palace, which we entered through the gate in Gwanghwamun.

By sheer luck and coincidence, we got there just in time for the Changing of the Royal Guard:

Mom said it was amazing that we could see this traditional ceremony right in front of us, then turn to the right and see skyscrapers. Without realizing it, she’d just described Seoul in a nutshell.

In another section of the palace complex was a stone depiction of the Chinese zodiac. Unlike the western zodiac, which is divided up by months, the Chinese zodiac is divided by years. How old is my mom? Well, it’s not polite to tell someone’s age, but I’ll give you a hint…She was born in the Year of the Horse.

That evening we met some of my friends from work for Korean barbecue (samgyeopsal) and did some souvenir shopping in Insadong. It was a very Korean day.

Day 6 – Friday, December 27th – To Buddha or Not to Buddha? 

The next day Mom said she was in the mood for breakfast food, and I knew exactly what to do. Just a quick subway ride to Gangnam (made famous by the “Gangnam Style” craze all the way back in 2012) and we were chowing down at Butterfinger Pancakes.

She’ll say it’s not a very good picture, but her smile was weird in the staged one.

Then, bellies full, we cabbed it over to Bongeunsa Temple.

Bongeunsa was the first big surprise of my mom’s visit. A lifelong devout Catholic (she was going to become a nun before my dad and his vintage Mustang “came along and wrecked everything” – her words), she had never been to a Buddhist temple before. Something about the calm and quiet of the place really did something for her, and she was very impressed by all the people she saw doing their devotional prostrations. She’s not converting or anything, but she really enjoyed the experience.

But here again is the great irony of Seoul. On one side of the street is Bongeunsa Temple, where people try to strip away their desire for earthly things. On the other side of the street (literally, directly across the street) is COEX Mall, where earthly desires and material possessions are the name of the game.

We spent the afternoon there, snacking, shopping, and walking through the aquarium.

Mom couldn’t stop laughing at this penguin watching television.

And this piranha looked like he wanted to say something:

Good pizza for dinner and then early to bed. We had to be well-rested for the next day’s adventures.

Day 7 – Saturday, December 28th – North and South 

No trip to Korea is complete without a trip to the border between North and South, so on the seventh day of my mom’s visit we climbed into a tour bus and headed on up. The actual Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) is currently closed due to an outbreak of swine flu, but we were still able to visit the Freedom Bridge and observation towers.

Mommy Dearest with North Korea in the background.

My mom was extremely lucky to visit when she did. I’ve seen North Korea from both South Korea and China, but I have never seen it as clearly as I did when we were there. Take a look:

The tour ended at the War Memorial of Korea, which was the next big surprise of Mom’s visit to Seoul. Most Americans (self included) have no real understanding of the Korean War, its relationship to World War II, or the impact it’s had on all of East Asia. Everyone who comes to this museum walks away with a better grasp of history, and my mom was no exception. She really got a lot out of it.

Next time you see her, ask her about “The Drop.”

Here she is in front of the Douglas MacArthur Tree.

And just for good measure, here’s Douglas MacArthur’s corncob pipe (all blurry for artistic effect):

In the late afternoon we took a cab over to Sandwich House (one of my very favorite spots) so I could introduce my mom to the extremely friendly owner/proprietor. Great food, and an excellent end to a long day on the battlefield.

Day 8 – Sunday, December 29th –  Full of Grace

The next day took us to one of Seoul’s best-hidden gems: The Shrine of Our Lady of the Rosary of Namyang.

On more than one occasion I’ve described this place to friends as a sort-of Catholic Disneyland. The entire property is divided up into walking trails designed to resemble a large string of rosary beads.

As you walk along the trails you’ll find devotional places for Our Lady of Fatima, the Divine Mercy, and just about any Catholic figure of note.

There’s also a small, but beautiful church where a young priest gave my mom a big hug and said a blessing over her.

Sadly, the weather wasn’t on our side, so we weren’t able to stay for very long. But, it was still a good experience.

Once we got back into the heart of Seoul, we had Chinese food, shopped a little, and took a look at the Pushkin Statue near Lotte Department Store. Fun fact: Vladimir Putin came from Moscow to dedicate this statue as a symbol of friendship between Russia and Korea.

It was a good day.

Day 9 – Monday, December 30th – Top of the World

Mom’s 9th day in Korea brought us to the 6th (some say 5th) tallest building in the world: Lotte World Tower. From the observation floors near the top, we were able to look out and see the city in all directions. This was a lot of fun for a couple of reasons: (1) because I’d never been there before, and (2) because it was really well put together. The elevator that took us to the top was a show in and of itself, and in true Korean fashion there were restaurants, cafes, and shops all over the place.

We wrapped up the afternoon by peeking into all the luxury stores and acting like we had money. Then we went to McDonald’s (haha).

Day 10 – Tuesday, December 31st – Steak and Bunions

New Year’s Eve. By Day 10 we were both showing signs of wear, so Mom decided to relax with a nice pedicure.

“Do you lie crittal jail?”

We spent the afternoon being lazy and snacking on street food, then at 7:00 we were off to VIPs for a New Year’s Eve steak dinner and buffet before watching the 2020 fireworks from Mom’s hotel room.

Not a bad way to say goodbye to 2019.

Day 11 – Wednesday, January 1st – Galbi and Farewell

Sadly, all good things must come to an end, and the following day was Mom’s last day in Korea. Before we got on the airport shuttle we headed out for one last round of Korean food: chicken rice galbi. You might think of it as Korean jambalaya.

Mom loved it.

And then just a few hours later we were at the airport for a difficult goodbye.

“He gonna cry in the car.”

Can you see why I’ve been so tired for the past week? 🙂

Much love, Mom. I hope you enjoyed your time in Seoul. You’re a good travel buddy, and I look forward to seeing you, Dad, and everyone else when I come home in the spring. 🙂

– J.

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